This Darn Hardy Dame Is Now a Mom!!

Yes, you read that right--I'm a mom! I'm going to use that as my excuse for abandoning the blog for over a year now, and not just say that I lost interest in it like any person with ADHD would do... *ahem*. Anyways, since you last heard from me, I've gotten pregnant and dealt with gestational diabetes, a breech baby, an emergency C-section, and five days in the NICU, along with a month of toting around oxygen tanks and tripping over cords and waking up to the beeping of an oxygen monitor. So I suppose my excuse for not blogging is pretty acceptable. It also doesn't help that I couldn't take my medication while I was pregnant.

One interesting thing I learned, though, is that the pregnancy hormones somehow managed to keep my ADHD in check. Weird, right? So now that I've given birth and no longer have those hormones, my ADHD has gone on the fritz. Add that to taking care of a 3-month-old baby, and well, you can imagine. Needless to say my life has been pretty hectic, and writing of any sort has been buried in the back of the closet with all the junk from my old life. (Not literally, although I do have a few hard copies of old stories and stuff that are with all of my college stuff. But I digress).

One thing I do want to talk about is my new job. And, yes, being a stay-at-home mom is a job. I'm sure you've heard all sorts of things about how stay-at-home moms have the hardest job ever with never any thanks and all that jazz, so I'm going to skip that little spiel and talk about being a mom...with ADHD.

Image taken from pictxel.com/mom-quotes

Moms are expected to do everything, to be everything, right? They're supposed to know everything, from each dentist appointment to how many toilet paper rolls are in the house. They're supposed to be the planners, the organizers, the multi-taskers. Essentially, a mom, especially a stay-at-home mom, is expected to be Wonder Woman. I think of Elastigirl from The Incredibles, stretching here and there to keep her family together.

The problem comes when a woman with ADHD (like me) finds herself expected to be like every other supermom. In Adventures in Fast Forward:  Life, Love, and Work for the ADD Adult, Kathleen Nadeau explains that the job of "homemaker" is the worst possible job for an adult with ADHD:

If we consider the job of homemaker-mother from an ADD perspective, we notice that it involves many conditions resulting in maximum stress for minimum reward. Women with ADD--whose homes may be in shambles, whose laundry is rarely done, whose meals are haphazard, last-minute affairs, and whose children (who are likely to have ADD as well) frequently misbehave--are prone to blame themselves:  "Why do I do such a poor job of something that anyone should be able to accomplish?" If we compare the workplace conditions of a homemaker to desirable workplace conditions for an adult with ADD, we quickly see that they are almost directly opposite. Not only does society expect women to have primary responsibility for maintaining the home and preparing meals, but it also expects them to be the primary parent and the "emotional command center" of the home. ... A mother who feels "driven crazy" by the frequent interruptions of her children, who needs to take time away from her children to ease her frayed nerves, who becomes irritated, impatient, or angry, may see herself, and be seen by everyone around her, as a "bad mother."

"So...why did you decided to become a stay-at-home mom?" you may ask. Because I'm crazy. Because I'm a glutton for punishment. Because I feel, despite the added difficulty, that being a mom is the best job in the world. Honestly, it's kind of hard to put it into words. Especially since being a mom with ADHD scares me. That's right. I'm scared. No--I'm downright terrified. I'm afraid that I will be one of those "bad mothers." I mean, what if one (or more) of my kids has ADHD? (And that is very likely, since ADHD is considered to be hereditary). How can I provide the structure and schedule they need if I can't even do that for myself? Not only that, how can I provide varied, healthy meals every day for my kids? What if I forget their appointments? (I've already done that once...and it won't be the last time). My list of fears goes on and on. But you know what? I'm doing it anyways.

I'm doing it because I want my kids to remember me being there for them. I don't want day-care kids, or latchkey kids. And who knows? Maybe my kids will think I'm the "cool" mom because of my spontaneity. Maybe they'll remember my randomness, my "Oooh, shiny" moments (just kidding, I don't really do that...), my creativity. Maybe they'll forgive me for being disorganized and late all the time. But I suppose I'll have to just find out. I'm a Darn Hardy Dame, and now I'm going to be a Darn Hardy Mom.